Our Marriage: The Real, Unfiltered Journey
Hey everyone! Welcome back to my little corner of the internet. Today, I want to share a more personal look at the story behind my marriage with Brett. Over the years, friends and family have often asked me, “What’s your secret?” And honestly, there isn’t one magic formula, it’s a blend of radical honesty, constant communication, and a whole lot of teamwork. So, grab a cup of coffee, get comfy, and join me as I take you through our ups, downs, and all the everyday moments that have made our relationship what it is today.
Starting Off with Radical Honesty
Right from the start, Brett and I decided that we weren’t interested in a picture-perfect romance. Instead, we built our relationship on a foundation of raw, unfiltered honesty. I vividly remember one special day when we went to a park to swing on the swings. In that lighthearted moment, I handed Brett a note - a note that shared exactly how I had fallen in love with him and asked if he was ready to embrace life with me, even with all of my issues, including my chronic illness. I wanted him to know every part of my journey - the good, the challenging, and the unpredictable. Brett’s decision to stick by my side from that very moment has been nothing short of incredible, setting the tone for a relationship built on transparency and true acceptance.
Learning from the Past (So We Don’t Repeat It)
Both Brett and I grew up in environments where conflict often took center stage. I witnessed endless screaming matches and unresolved anger, and I knew I wanted something very different for my future. Even though we were just 19 when we started dating, we had both learned early on that respect, calm communication, and mutual effort were essential. I cherish the memories of us sitting together, mapping out our ideal relationship, talking about boundaries, expectations, and how we’d handle disagreements. It wasn’t about expecting a conflict-free life, but about setting a standard for fighting fair and loving deeply. That proactive approach has saved us from so much heartache and continues to guide us every day.
Communication: The Heartbeat of Our Marriage
Let’s be real: if you’re not talking, what’s the point of being together? For Brett and me, communication isn’t just something we do, it’s our lifeline. Over the years, we’ve developed a habit of addressing our feelings and concerns as soon as they come up. Whether it’s a small misunderstanding or a more significant issue, we sit down together and talk it out. I always remind Brett that my chronic illness means some days are tougher than others, and his willingness to listen with empathy makes all the difference.
Even when tensions have been high, we’ve always taken the time to truly listen to each other- no yelling, no screaming, just genuine, respectful conversation. These intimate moments have deepened our bond, allowing us to connect on levels that truly matter. Every conversation is our way of saying, “I see you, I hear you, and I’m here for you.”
The No-Bed-Without-A-Chat Rule
One rule that has worked wonders for us is that we never go to bed angry. It might sound cliché, but trust me it really is a game-changer. When a disagreement arises, no matter how small, we make it a point to resolve it before the day ends. I’ve seen how holding onto even the tiniest bit of resentment can create invisible walls, and I refuse to let that happen in our home.
There have been nights when we’re both exhausted, yet we still take those extra few minutes to talk things through in person. Whether it’s a lighthearted chat or a more in-depth conversation, these moments help us start each new day with a clean slate. This simple rule has not only strengthened our bond but also taught us that addressing issues with care leads to growth and understanding.
Our Everyday Teamwork
Life has a funny way of throwing challenges our way, and with my chronic illness and the demands of school, our daily life is anything but predictable. That’s why Brett and I created a system that’s uniquely ours a flexible, evolving arrangement that works for both of us. Our relationship isn’t about a strict 50/50 split; it’s more like a 60/40 balance that adapts to our ever-changing needs.
Brett is my steadfast partner in almost every aspect of our home life. He’s the one who cleans the bathtub after my relaxing baths, whips up dinner or picks it up on busy nights, takes care of our dogs, and even handles the laundry. Meanwhile, I manage grocery lists, online orders, and my schoolwork. Managing my chronic illness alongside everything else isn’t always easy, but our system and his support make even the tough days a little brighter.
Our roles haven’t always been set in stone, though. When Brett was navigating the early challenges of the military, juggling basic training with school, I was there to support him every step of the way. I took on extra responsibilities to lighten his load, just as he does for me now. Those moments taught me the true meaning of partnership: being there for each other during the toughest times and celebrating the wins together. We regularly check in with each other to see what’s working and what might need a tweak. Flexibility and understanding have been our secret ingredients.
Growing Through Every Challenge
Every relationship faces challenges, and ours is no exception. What sets us apart is how we handle those challenges with calm, steady minds and hearts full of compassion. We make it a point to listen carefully to each other and resolve any issues with respect and understanding. Instead of airing our struggles for the world to see, we keep them between us, creating a safe space where vulnerability is met with empathy.
Every challenge becomes an opportunity a chance to reassess, grow, and further cement the resilience of our love. Our ability to face obstacles without resorting to yelling or confrontation has helped us maintain a harmonious home where every little hurdle is just another step toward a deeper connection.
Love, Resilience, and Trust
At the heart of our journey is a deep, unshakeable love that’s been tested and strengthened over time. Resilience isn’t just about bouncing back from tough times it’s about building a foundation so strong that even the harshest storms can’t break it. Trust is a huge part of that. I trust that no matter what comes our way, Brett and I will face it together, with honesty and openness lighting the path forward.
I’ve learned that true partnership means celebrating both the highs and the lows. Even on the hardest days, the love we share is what carries us through. Together, we’ve built a sanctuary
a space where vulnerability is met with understanding, and every challenge is just another stepping stone toward a richer, more meaningful connection.
Advice for Anyone on Their Relationship Journey
If you’re reading this and wondering how to build a marriage that feels effortless even when life gets a bit messy, here are a few takeaways from our journey:
- Be Radical in Your Honesty: Lay your cards on the table from the beginning. It might be scary, but it builds a foundation of trust that can weather any storm.
- Communicate, Communicate, Communicate: Address issues as they arise instead of letting them build up into something bigger.
- Never Go to Bed Angry: Resolve conflicts before the day ends. This simple rule can transform how you handle disagreements.
- Create a System That Works for You: Every relationship is unique. Find a balance that fits your life and be open to adjusting it as things change.
- Keep Some Battles Private: Not every disagreement needs an audience. Handling issues behind closed doors can actually strengthen your bond.
- Embrace the Journey: Remember, love isn’t about perfection—it’s about growing together, learning from your mistakes, and celebrating every victory, big or small.
Final Thoughts
Our marriage is as real and unfiltered as it gets. It’s messy, imperfect, and occasionally downright challenging, but it’s also filled with genuine love, unwavering trust, and a commitment to always be there for each other. By embracing radical honesty, keeping our communication open, and working together as a team, Brett and I have built a partnership that feels effortless—even on the tough days.
Thank you for taking the time to read our story. I hope our journey inspires you to embrace the beautiful messiness of your own relationships. If you have questions, thoughts, or stories of your own to share, please drop a comment below—I’d truly love to hear from you. Here’s to building a life together that’s as real, rewarding, and ever-changing as love itself!
Payton Blackwood
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