Living with Anxiety and Depression: A Raw and Honest Perspective

Anxiety and depression aren’t just passing emotions or phases. They’re constant, sometimes quiet, sometimes deafening. They linger in the background, shaping how we see the world, how we interact with others, and how we perceive our own worth.

I’ve battled both for a long time. Some days, I can manage it. Other days, it consumes me. I’ve learned to recognize my triggers and do what I can to pull myself out of the downward spiral. But it’s not always easy. This past week alone, I’ve been triggered five times. I won’t get into the specifics, but I will say this: when the weight of anxiety or depression hits, it’s like a fog settles in, distorting everything. Rational thoughts become whispers, and self-doubt screams over them.

The Mental Tally We Keep

People with mental illness often keep an unspoken tally. It’s not something we always acknowledge, but it’s there. We remember who shows up and who doesn’t. Who reaches out and who remains silent. It’s not about holding grudges, it’s about battling the intrusive thoughts that tell us we don’t matter.

When you struggle with mental health, it’s easy to convince yourself that people are too busy, that you’re a burden, that you’ve already “taken up too much space” with your emotions. Maybe it’s because of past remarks, dismissive attitudes, or the feeling that your struggles are too much for others to handle. And so, you retreat. You pull back. You tell yourself it’s better this way.

But the truth is, we all need people. No one gets through life alone. And I try, despite my own struggles, to be present for others, to show up even when it’s hard. Because I know what it feels like when no one does.

We’re All Just Trying to Survive

None of us are perfect. We all have our own battles, our own hardships, our own blind spots. But if there’s one thing we can all do, it’s be a little more kind. A little more compassionate. A little more aware of the fact that sometimes, people don’t need solutions, they just need to be seen.

One of the hardest things about depression and anxiety is how isolating they can be. How they make you feel like you’re shouting into the void, waiting for someone, anyone, to hear you. Sometimes, people make things personal when in reality, we’re all just trying to survive. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone struggling isn’t to say the “right” thing, but simply to be there. No pressure, no expectations, just presence.

I see you. I understand you. And if you ever need someone, whether to talk or to just sit in silence, I’m here. Because sometimes, that’s all we need. to know that we’re not alone.

And when the storm passes, because eventually, it always does, you take a deep breath, remind yourself that tomorrow is a new day, and keep moving forward.

It will eventually be ok. Even if not right now.

-Payton Blackwood